Kimberly Farrar’s poem, “How to Talk to an Autistic Child”, pulled me into its orbit immediately. It echoed everything I believed and tried to practice in my interactions with Fluffy. To me, it was lyrical RDI (Relationship Development Intervention).

How to Talk to an Autistic Child

First, be still. Sit within her orbit.

Observe the way she leans into her

floppy run.

Wait.

The autistic child looks down, but sees everything:

Every glimmer in the sidewalk, every strand

of your blonde hair.

Do something physical and silent.

Make a surprised face, open your mouth

and widen your eyes.

You could nod your head or dance

a little, maybe spin slowly.

When she looks at you,

do it again.

You could try blowing

in your soda bottle to make

a deep jug sound. Be gentle.

Sit on the floor and toss a pillow.

Toss softly and say somthing

simple like, “Fun” or “Oh boy” or “Try again.”

She may repeat what you say or stop.

If you have gotten this far, you have had

a communication. When she runs away,

let her.

I think we can get cramped when we talk about talk. What someone doesn’t say, what someone does do, these are powerful ways to voice, too. Kimberly shared the following in a recent email:

I wrote this poem thinking about how communication with my autistic daughter has completely different parameters when compared to ‘typical’ communication.  Since words are difficult for her, they are often not the best route for forming a path, a connection.

It’s alternative communication. Physical movement and slightly exaggerated expressions have always caught my daughter’s attention, but it has to be honest and a little entertaining.

I wanted to tell people that the small connections–a smile, an approach, or a glance, are the beginnings of a relationship. Even when she runs away, it is a message and not necessarily a negative one.  She may be excited, or need a break to run back in later.

I think people can sometimes be upset or bewildered by autism. This poem was a way of saying, “Just try something else, and see.”  It is all ‘talk’.

Kimberly K. Farrar is a writer and teacher currently living in Astoria, New York. She has a B.S. in Creative Writing from the University of Arizona, and an M.A. in TESOL from Hunter College. She teaches in her community. Her work has been published in Long Shot, Lullwater Review, Mudfish, The Ledge, Voices of Autism, and other literary journals.