We pick up this excerpt of Chantal Sicile-Kira’s essay, “The Real World of Autism: The Refrigerator Mother Club” when Chantal and her husband were living in Paris with their two-year old son who was showing signs of Autism.
It was 1990, a time when the ‘powers that be’ in Paris considered Autism a mental illness. The little bit of support the family received was in danger of being removed unless they agreed to bring their child in for psychoanalysis, the ‘prescribed treatment’:
The third and last time I visited the analyst’s office with my son, my husband came with us. Our little boy, Jeremy, picked up a pair of rounded toy salt and pepper shakers and their holder, an exact replica of those you find on cafe tables. Jeremy stared at the rounded salt and pepper shakers as he rocked back and forth, seemingly impervious to all going on around him. He held them tight and twirled one of the shakers, concentrating.
“You are spinning that object. Why are you spinning the object?” the psychoanalyst asked my son.
“Because he likes to spin things, obviously,” I thought, trying to count how many Bruno Bettelheim books were on the shelf. My husband (Jeremy’s father) glanced at his watch, wondering how we had gotten roped into this.
“There are two of them. Two round objects. Do they remind you of your mother’s breasts, Jeremy?” asked the psychoanalyst.
She then turned to me and inquired, “Madame Sicile-Kira, did you breastfeed Jeremy?”
“Yes, I did,” I replied, alarm bells going off in my head. At this point I felt as if I were a character in a Woody Allen movie and I knew just how the rest of the scene would play out.
“For how long?” the psychoanalyst asked me.
“About four months,” I replied.
Suddenly, one of the shakers fell out of the holder in Jeremy’s hands, dropped onto the wooden floor, and rolled under a piece of furniture. “Oh, you’ve lost one, you’ve lost one of your mother’s breasts,” cried the psychoanalyst.
I instinctively clutched my breasts to make sure they were still there. They were. Both of them. I could not look at my husband; I knew we would both burst out laughing.
“And was it a difficult separation?” the psychoanalyst asked.
“No, I don’t think so—not to my recollection. Everything went smoothly,” I replied.
“Oh look!” exclaimed the psychoanalyst, observing Jeremy crawling past, chasing after the missing shaker. “He is searching, he is looking for the lost breast, his mother’s breast!” she cried. “Oh, he has found it,” she said, relief in her voice.
(The essay continues in the book.)
We pick up with Jeremy 18 years later, far from the Looking Glass world where mothers cause their children’s ‘mental illness’ and breasts are compared to salt and pepper shakers. From Chantal:
When Jeremy was diagnosed with autism about 18 years ago, I was told to find a good institution for him. And I have. It’s called school. Jeremy is now 21 and will graduate from high school with a full academic diploma this June. Right now he has a high-school GPA of 3.5 and is taking his first community college class, concurrently. His dreams for the future include his own place with roommates, a girlfriend, to earn money from what he likes to do, and to continue to learn, just like most people his own age. As well, he wants to give back to the community by writing and presenting about autism.
As for me, hindsight is 20/20. There are many therapies I wished existed back then when he was little. Perhaps I wish I had made different choices at times over the past years. Yet, I think that we’ve done the best we could, and that Jeremy is really in a good place now thanks to the good people who we have met along the way who believed in him as I have from the day he was born.
Some of you may have seen Jeremy in MTV’s True Life “I Have Autism.” For those of you who have not, you can watch it by going to my homepage at www.chantalsicile-kira.com and clicking on the MTV icon. His segment on the show was considered the second most inspiring moment out of 300 MTV True Life shows.
Recently, I finished another book, “41 Things To Know About Autism” (Turner Publishing), to be published at the end of this month. This is the book for people who want to learn a bit more about autism–great for community awareness. I blog at HuffingtonPost.com and PsychologyToday.com and have been appointed by the California Senate Autism Committee to co-chair the South Counties Autism Regional Taskforce. But, my most important job still, is transitioning Jeremy and his sister Rebecca out of high school and into the real world. Welcome to reality!
Chantal Sicile-Kira is an autism advocate, International speaker, parent, and award-winning author known for providing hope and practical strategies to both families and educators. Chantal’s first book, Autism Spectrum Disorders, was the recipient of the 2005 Autism Society of America’s Outstanding Literary Work of the Year Award. Her books, Adolescents on the Autism Spectrum and Autism Life Skills, are also published by Penguin. Chantal is a blogger on the Huffington Post, moderates webinars for momsfightingautism.com, and occasionally hosts radio shows on Autism One Radio. Her family was highlighted in Newsweek and on MTV’s documentary series True Life “I Have Autism,” which was the recipient of a 2008 Voice Award.
